she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
BRING THE BAGELS
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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