A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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