I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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