if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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