Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
