before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
