I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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