I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
