Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize