And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
