Rock
Scissors
Fuck
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
