His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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