My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
