i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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