Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
