Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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