How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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