literally had 100 drinks last night.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize