I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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