Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
