I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
