yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
