We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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