girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
