ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
