brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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