One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
