dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
