She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
