You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
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