he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
