Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
