I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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