I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Mom said you looked used
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
