There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
And my parents said I crawled through the house
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
