Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
