I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
