The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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