To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
