It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The air was thick with penises
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Randomize
