hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
