just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
