Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
