You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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