woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
