i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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