Banned from zoo.
Again?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
