this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I feel great
I just peed on a car
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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