she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
