Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
