Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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