Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
