i don't plan on having that self control this summer
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Houston, we have a blender
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
