Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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