today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
