Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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