I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
