so explain again why im purple
no
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
