Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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