Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
