I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
