his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Damn victory sex feels great
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize