Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
