Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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