Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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