As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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