my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize