I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
