Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
