Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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