I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
