Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
