He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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