I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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