Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
