Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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