the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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