i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
