she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
A bitchslap is in order.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
