So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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