It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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