Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
