Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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