you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
