I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
