who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
