Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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