all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
