I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i think my tv is drunk
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Success! We fucked roommates!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
