You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I had to cum in my sink.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
