i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Do vagina's smell?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
